The Cognitive Restructuring of America
Or
Just Breathe
October 1, 2013
“Attitude reflects leadership” is a phrase I heard and learned while I was working with some amazing people as a contractor for the military. Our job was to affect change in the lives and the course of lives of young people. The youth that came to us were products of dysfunction, ignorance, avarice, hate, neglect and so much other evil. Those kids reflected the leadership they had received.
The foundation of America has been adjusted. Its focus is fuzzy. Its mission is 1000 points of light, but no one can find the switch. Its builders and future leaders are inhabitants that have little or no skin in the game and focus only on self. Hope and change are just vapid words sent out to distract the optimists a little while longer. Truth is relative and power is everything, whether you have it or not.
In headlines and blog posts and on TV and on radio; everyday, people ask, “What can we do?” Focus on what matters and what you can change. All too often in counseling, I am sitting in front of a client that is just overwhelmed by everything that has to be done, everything that wasn’t done and everything that was done wrong. Their focus becomes, “that which cannot be done” rather than the comforts of what is being done well. The resulting feelings are anxiety, anger and depression. Their system of thinking consumes the brain in an ever-increasing spiral of circular reasoning until something breaks. Call it depression, call it anxiety, call it a brief psychotic break – call it trying to control things you don’t have control over.
Inevitably, the client finishes telling me everything that is wrong and they stare at me. Most ask, “What do I do?” Often, they look at me funny when I ask them to breathe. One person even asked, “Why?” How far from the list of true priorities was he operating? My response was, “Because it is necessary for life. And if you do it right, it can help with happiness.”
We focus on what really doesn’t matter. We pour energy, effort, time and resources into projects that are contrived to be a cog in a machine of another project; neither of which serve any real benefit or purpose. When those contrived projects fail, we want it fixed. When it isn’t, we try harder and begin trading our happiness to get it fixed. We end up trying to fix everything, when in reality, we forget to maintain what we can.
I akin this process to that stage performance with the guy spinning plates on top of sticks. He starts out with one, then two, then more. Eventually the limit is ability to maintain is reach and plates start to wobble. The guy keeps on adding plates, runs faster, spins harder and then…. CRASH!!! One of the plates falls and gravity takes over on the rest of them when he stops trying. What plates are we trying to spin? Does that matter?
Recognizing limits of control and influence in your life is important. One of my personal happiness speed bumps are red traffic lights. I find myself uttering less than graceful words toward them when they illuminate in front of my path of purpose. I don’t think a single one of them has heard me yet. Like the person who asked why they should breathe, I think Americans (not the leeches or inhabitants) have forgotten what is truly important. We get angry. We are frustrated. We get sad. We get depressed. We get anxious and we ARE YELLING AT RED TRAFFIC LIGHTS! We are anxious about spinning, wobbly plates and saddened or angry when they fall.
What matters? You are more than likely a part of a family. You probably work. You are likely to be a member of a church. You are probably a parent, a sibling and definitely somebody’s child.
BUT THEY ARE DESTROYING OUR COUNTRY AND THEY WON’T LISTEN….
AND YOU ARE DESTROYING YOUR LIFE… will you listen?
There are only so many hours in a day and it is my understanding that time is a non-renewable resource. What did you ignore while you were frustrated at DC? Who did you ignore? What work function didn’t get done in that 15 minutes? What “Love!” text was postponed while you tweeted to the world your opinion of the level of stupidity of those people?
What were the secondary or tertiary costs of your choices? Relationships suffer. Work slows down. Churches are ignored or used as meeting places for gossip and political rhetoric. Marriages struggle. Children are ignored. You are sad, distraught and angry. The only Happiness, joy, comfort or hope you find is in Hallmark cards.
So I tell you all, “Just breathe.” Remember that most of the chaos is happening in the six inches of the world that you have the most control over – between your left and right ear. Breathe.
After you get a handle on that task, perhaps you can take a look at your priority list. Hand it to your spouse, your boss, your pastor or your child. Ask them what is important on the list. Adjust. Breathe.
Hold out your hands and see that your influence limit is more than likely at the tips of your fingers. Breathe.
Introduce yourself to and then solidify your relationship with God as his child. Upon that foundation and through Him all that matters can be built. A Country is a collective effort of society. Societies come from communities. Communities are formed by groups of families. Decide where your influence and control truly is and exercise that influence. Choose to lead your life. Choose to lead your family. Finding success there will assuredly bring you peace. Feed and nurture what you want to live. Don’t forget to breathe, it is important to life and happiness.
— R. A. Grier