Month: January 2019

When did we give up?

January 30, 2019

IF you listen to and pay attention to the “media”, you could safely infer that we are in a spiraling stalemate of denigration and despair.. AND the foregone conclusion is that we are POWERLESS and HELPLESS to do anything about it. Just strapped in on the pain train going to Hopelesstown.

I would encourage anyone feeling this way to turn off the noise and start making your own world. I bet things will get better for you.

Chances are that you are not hungry. I don’t mean peckish because the pastry and macchiato was two hours ago. I mean hungry — as in, “I haven’t eaten in a few days.”

Chances are that you are not without shelter. I don’t mean, I haven’t gotten that penthouse on the upper East Side yet. I mean, “I don’t have a roof over my head and I have no prospect of getting one.”

In more rapid succession, I bet you are well educated, I bet you have access to fantastic healthcare, I bet you have the option to have some say-so about who governs your local/state and federal offices. I bet you haven’t experienced gang warfare. I bet you haven’t experienced police brutality. I will go out on a limb and bet that the most horrible thing you experience is annoyance that you aren’t getting your way.

This is not a chastising article. Nope, this is a reframing article. I will give disclaimers and due notation to those who have and are experiences some of those difficulties. I won’t pretend that those very bad things don’t happen. I am saying that not EVERYONE is EXPERIENCING those things ALL THE TIME.

We have it pretty good in America. Truly, we are blessed. Truly, we have issues of overage and not deficits, especially when it comes to the basic necessities of life.

A concept for today that I would ask that you consider implementing.

We tend to find what we are looking for.

I will ask you, what are you finding? Are you finding the good? Are you finding hope? Are you finding ample bounty? Again, not ample amazing, super wonderful, I am the new Crown Prince of the world with 200 billion in my sock drawer…

I bet you are not hungry. I bet you have a job. I bet you have a comfortable home. I bet you have a $500+ mobile device. I bet you have a vehicle. I bet you have multiple TVs. I bet you have… I bet you have more than 95% of the world. If you think you don’t then I bet you are delusional. Turn down the noise (that others are profiting greatly from your misery). Turn off the news 50% of the time spent currently. Turn off social media 50%. Stop commiserating and sharing despair and woe.

Start looking at how good things are for you. Celebrate the sandwich that you are going to have for lunch. Look for the good that is all around you and I bet things will get better for you.

— R.A. Grier

It’s really simple. We make it hard. OR as Derek would say, “First World Problems.”

January 8, 2018

Happy New Year! And I am hoping that is the case for anyone reading. As usual, I get a group of similar interactions in my life and I ponder on them. Recently, my Ponderator got latched on to the notion of “life is hard.” For a very long time, I have made this statement and I have heard it countless times from others. But is it? Or do we make it hard?

I want you to think about a phrase, “I have everything I need and a lot of what I want.” A few years ago, I switched to this phrase and it helped me lower expectations and increase my happy. I have had a few people push back when they hear me say it. “I don’t have everything I need!” That seems to be a common sentiment. So, let’s look at that. When asked about what they are missing that they need, I get all sorts of responses, money, houses, cars, jobs, etc. ad nauseam, ad infinitum and so on.

Let’s think about what you NEED.

You need to eat food that provides nutrition enough to sustain life.

You need to drink enough water to fulfill the same mission as the food above.

You need to breathe, in order to sustain life.

You need to sleep.

You need adequate protection from the elements in order to sustain life.

Cars? nope. Houses? well, not really. Jobs? nope…

“But Robert, what about making money for blah blah blah…(think a really whining tone like the way I hear it in my head.)

The expectations for types of the things above create ALL SORTS of consternation for folks. I freely admit, I have been at the bottom of the particular hole may times, whining and complaining. Types of cars, sizes of home. Type of job. etc. My friends aren’t good enough, because they rarely buy me free food/drinks. The government sucks because [insert a trillion types of reasons here.]

I think it was Dr. Albert Ellis that coined the phrase Shoulding on Yourself. We can get into real trouble when our expectations exceed our effort or capacity to achieve those expectations. Might want to re-read that.

This hits right at Expectations of outcomes that WE HAVE NO CONTROL OVER. So and so didn’t speak to me this morning. I have been nice to my boss all day and I haven’t gotten a raise yet. That red light turned red when it saw me coming!

In my High School generation, it seemed like stuff was the answer. Now,it seems like being accepted and liked is the answer.

REGARDLESS OF HOW GOD-AWFUL the present culture of me-me and microwave promotions and getting a trophy for showing up and socialism is the answer and puny flower feeling, micro aggressed, safe space living, I demand to be idolized and receive the histrionic of the millennia award as an ethereal morphing pan-trans, everything is ok when it’s my way, SPOILED BRATISM.

Really bad sentence structure, but I think I expressed and emoted ok.

And while people are palpitating about the labels I flung, let me be clear. I love everybody. I don’t have to like or agree with everybody, I don’t have to support everybody in their delusions. At the same time, I don’t wish harm to come to these folks. Not even a little bit. And I don’t give a damn about whether they agree to disagree. I freely make my own choices, without fear or social reprisal or permission from anyone. Yup, I think that is rational.

Bricks are bricks. We can think they are chocolate chip cookies all we want, but they are bricks when we bite em. Trophies, social status and money can put a façade on may things for a long time, but in the end, reality of life creeps back in like and abandoned property being overrun by the forest.

We spend an astonishing amount of time and energy pursuing social acceptance and stuff. I wish I could of thought of it and I don’t know who did (in order to properly cite), but we work jobs we don’t like to buy things we don’t need to impress people we don’t like. I have never seen a hungry person complain about getting a sandwich rather than soup. Nor can I imagine a desert-thirsty person whine about and turn down the water in the plastic bottle because it isn’t in an eco responsible glass bottle. Americans have First World problems. Let’s stop pursuing things and social acceptance for the sake of filling and empty “I am ok with me” tank. Let’s stop seeking attention with being “different” or “salacious” or whatever to fill the same empty tank. Be different if you want, that’s ok, but don’t demand others like or accept your choices. I would respect you more if you truly didn’t care what I think, like or don’t like. Fill your own tank and no one can empty it unless you let them.

Or, keep on being sick and blaming and miserable. Thankfully, I figured out a long time ago that I don’t have to feel bad due to your choices. 🙂

— R. A. Grier